One of the more baffling and incomprehensible aspects of being scapegoated by family is being the target of mentally and emotionally abusive behaviors; reacting to the abuse appropriately (e.g., expressing hurt, confusion, anger, setting boundaries, etc), and then discovering that the person who committed the harmful or abusive acts views themselves as the victim – not the one they harmed.
As you consider how being the victim of family scapegoating abuse has changed your life, you may use the following suggestions and questions to guide you. Do be aware that thinking and writing about something so painful may be difficult for you. Pace yourself and don’t feel that you need to complete your FSA Victim Impact Statement in one sitting…
It is difficult enough to bear the burden of traumatic childhood experiences and its long-term physical, emotional, and mental effects. For adult survivors of family scapegoating abuse (FSA), this difficulty is magnified by the fact that their reports of abuse or trauma are typically denied, dismissed, and invalidated by their family due to their being in the ‘identified patient’ role…
As some of you know, I have been busy ‘crunching’ a tremendous amount of data related to qualitative research I have been conducting on what I named family scapegoating abuse (FSA) for over ten years now. I plan to publish a book with my research results in 2022, but also thought this would be a […]
It is common to have high expectations when thinking of reuniting with family you haven’t seen for a long time. Alternatively, you might fear that your worst expectations will be realized if you get together with nuclear and/or extended family members for a holiday celebration.
Many people are familiar with Kubler-Ross’s ‘Five Stages of Grief’, which are Denial; Anger; Bargaining; Depression; Acceptance. In my model for family scapegoating abuse (FSA) recovery (which I will expand upon in an upcoming book), I use the term ‘radical acceptance’ versus ‘acceptance’ to describe a late-stage healing concept that is critical to the FSA adult survivor’s full recovery from systemic family abuse.
Over 100 people subscribed to this blog in the past few weeks, so I wanted to get a quick post out reminding each of you that I also offer a free monthly newsletter, which includes my latest articles; news about my upcoming books; and special offers on my book about family scapegoating abuse, Rejected, Shamed, […]
If you’re in the ‘family scapegoat’ role and in contact with family members who continue to subject you to mental and emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, and narcissistic behaviors, this checklist will aid you in protecting your emotional and mental health.
In the narcissistic family system, the needs of the disordered parent take precedence over the needs of the dependent child, resulting in narcissistic abuse. Family members are not cherished individuals to be loved; they are instead ‘narcissistic supply’ whose only purpose is to serve the infantile, primitive psycho-emotional needs of the narcissistic parent.
It would be nice to believe that when children turn into adults they are somehow magically released from the ‘family scapegoat’ role. However, this is not at all the case. In fact, many individuals who come to me for therapy suffer from Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) due to continued family abuse that has resulted in them feeling psycho-emotionally paralyzed and worthless – even suicidal.
[Note: This article originally written for The C-PTSD Foundation in November 2020] Complex PTSD ( which is sometimes interchanged with terms such as complex relational trauma, developmental trauma, and interpersonal trauma) is a relatively recent concept. With the recognition of complex PTSD (C-PTSD) by the World Health Organization (WHO), healthcare providers around the world are […]
Because family scapegoating processes can be insidious and subtle, many adult survivors do not realize that they are suffering from a most egregious (and often chronic) form of systemically-driven psycho-emotional bullying and abuse, with all of the painful consequences to body, mind, and spirit…
Just a quick note to let my blog followers know that the Kindle version of ‘Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed’ will be on sale today through Monday (1-24-22). It is currently 60% off of the paperback price, allowing you to purchase it for just $5.99 USD via Amazon. This is a United States sale only. Purchase […]