A Warm Welcome to Our New Subscribers!
During this time while I am serving as a care-giver to a loved one following major surgery, I’ll be posting videos on subscriber questions and suggested topics as this takes less time than writing articles. All of the below videos have closed captions – which I double-check to ensure they are not word salad.
I’ve posted three new videos for you to check out when you have time – Chapters are included beneath each video both here and on YouTube in the video description. When you click on a chapter, the video will start at the time indicated.
🔥 TRIGGER WARNING: All videos on my YouTube channel address scapegoating and psycho-emotional abuse and could be activating. Viewer comments may be activating as well.
Video One Description: Did you know that dysfunctional and narcissistic families live by a set of UNSPOKEN RULES that SUPPORT your being scapegoated? The research I conducted on what I named family scapegoating abuse (FSA) suggests that families that scapegoat are also governed by a *very specific and insidious* set of rules. This video reviews TEN RULES that are evident in families that scapegoat one of their own, as revealed by my research on what I named ‘family scapegoating abuse’ (FSA).
- 00:00 – Intro
- 01:02 – Three concepts dysfunctional families are governed by
- 02:30 – Power, false narratives, reality distortion
- 03:19 – Love for sale
- 04:20 – Fawn/submit/defer
- 05:24 – Injustice and righteous rage
- 06:06 – Empaths and intergenerational trauma
- 07:47 – ‘Scapegoat’ / ‘Golden Child’ split
- 08:53 – DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender
- 10:30 – Feelings must be stuffed
- 11:44 – Deny painful realities
- 12:35 – The price the scapegoat must pay to ‘belong’
Video Two Description: THE REPAIR FANTASY of Scapegoated Adult Survivors: When you end contact with your narcissistic family, do you wonder if one or more family members will one day have an epiphany and realize they have hurt you and treated you badly – even abusively? Will they feel sorry or feel remorse for what they did, and reach out to you to make amends? Psychotherapist and Family systems expert, Rebecca C. Mandeville, discusses what scapegoated adult survivors can expect when they step out of their dysfunctional narcissistic family system.
- 00:00 – Intro and subscriber question
- 01:50 – Narcissistic family system as cult system
- 03:08 – Narcissistic abuse co-occurring with family scapegoating abuse
- 03:59 – Narcissistic families and false narratives
- 05:00 – The shared distorted reality attached to the FSA target
- 06:40 – Why caution is needed if family reaches out following no contact
- 07:52 – The ‘Repair Fantasy’ versus reality
- 08:52 – The Myth of “always” and “never”
- 10:14 – “Closed” systems versus “Open” systems
Video Three Description: BIZARRE SCAPEGOAT REALITIES – Episode 2: Has this happened to you? A family member frequently displays inappropriate, hurtful, egregious behavior (they may be cruel, sarcastic, dismissive, or they engage in excessive drug or alcohol use, etc); yet, when you are at a family gathering, the family focuses on YOUR behavior and deems YOU as being the “problem” family member. Sound familiar? For an adult survivor of family scapegoating abuse (FSA), this is a common occurrence, and this insidious form of ‘invisible’ abuse can ESCALATE and INCREASE as you become HEALTHIER and begin to stand up for yourself and set boundaries. In this video, I explain why this can happen in dysfunctional or narcissistic families – And it is ESPECIALLY likely to happen if you are the family Empath.
- 00:00 – Intro
- 00:56 – Subscriber’s bizarre dysfunctional family experience
- 03:11 – When the scapegoat is seen as “the problem”
- 05:06 – The unspoken rules of dysfunctional family systems
- 06:20 – Truth in dysfunctional or narcissistic families
- 08:40 – Functional family systems versus dysfunctional ones
- 09:32 – ‘Radical acceptance’ of painful, confusing realities
- 10:08 – Distorted perceptions that are unlikely to change
- 10:47 – What leads to the breaking of ties
- 12:36 – Choosing your environment – and who is in it
Rebecca C. Mandeville is a licensed psychotherapist; certified clinical trauma professional; and recognized family systems expert. Her book, Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed, is the first book written on “family scapegoating abuse” or “FSA” (a term she coined during the course of her family systems research). Rebecca has dedicated her 20-year career in Mental Health to advocating for those whose voices are not heard due to being systemically disempowered.