Summary: Women often face heightened scrutiny and obstacles in having their qualifications and skills recognized and valued compared to men due to societal biases and internalized misogyny. This issue stems from ingrained gender stereotypes and a lack of inclusive environments that support gender equality. In this article, Rebecca C. Mandeville reflects on women, marginalization, and scapegoating dynamics, and also shares a bit of her own journey regarding overcoming the effects of dysfunctional, traumatizing systems.
When Qualified Women Professionals Are Marginalized
Family scapegoating abuse (FSA) is just one way that individuals or systems can marginalize others, and marginalization of certain people or groups can show up in many forms.
For example, I’ve noticed that as my FSA Educational blog and YouTube FSA educational channel have grown and my work on FSA expands its global reach that I am at times challenged on my credentials – such as my academic and professional degrees and certifications – including on my blog here and on YouTube. This is despite my being a licensed Clinician, which in the U.S. requires that one successfully complete a comprehensive, accredited graduate school program. It is more often than not a female who is ‘demanding’ to know my qualifications in a tone that is, shall we say, less than respectful.
I was speaking with a few male colleagues about this recently – including licensed clinicians who have authored / published popular self-help books and/or create Mental Health content on YouTube. Interestingly, they shared that this is something they rarely, if ever, experience.
I also had a lovely conversation with a male YouTube channel subscriber about this same issue. He shared that he notices that women professionals on YouTube seem to be subjected to this sort of ‘questioning’ regarding their qualifications in the comments section (comments that more often than not appear to be written by a female) – something he does not see happening on the channels of male therapist content creators addressing similar or identical issues.
Of course, if a given female is in a line of work typically dominated by men, such as corporate executive positions; construction or contracting work, etc, they might indeed be challenged, devalued, or demeaned by men who feel threatened by, or competitive with, them, but this is not the focus of my article here.
Processes That Support the Devaluing of Women
It is indeed a challenging reality that women often find themselves under heightened scrutiny and encounter more obstacles when it comes to others acknowledging and validating their skills and qualifications, particularly when compared to their male counterparts. These same women may also discover that their ideas are quickly dismissed – or even ‘co-opted’ – by their male colleagues and peers.
Here’s an example from my own life: Prior to returning to school to become a licensed Marriage, Family Therapist, I served as a Staffing Recruiter and VP of Marketing for a leading High-Tech staffing agency.
I have a clear memory of sitting in an Executive meeting – the only woman in a room full of men. At this point I had been the top producer at this company for 3 years in a row, and had developed exclusive relationships with established companies like Microsoft and ‘hot’ start-ups like Google.
Looking around the room during this meeting, I knew that the income I generated for this staffing agency was paying the salaries of most of the men in the room, whose monthly sales were not even close to mine.
During this meeting, every time I spoke up, my thoughts and suggestions were completely ignored. I was not even looked at. Yet, a few minutes later, I listened as the very words I had recently spoken came out of one of these men’s mouth. “Great idea!,” said the other men in the room. Yes, the ignoring and dismissing of my contributions – and the ‘co-opting’ of my ideas – was really that blatant. If it weren’t so concerning and frankly angering, I might have actually found it funny.
The Devaluing of Women Is Societal and Systemic
My FSA research suggests that women who were (and perhaps still are) devalued within their family-of-origin may be particularly sensitive to being seen as a “fake” or a “phony,” given their own family may view them in this same way, no matter their personal or professional accomplishments. This, in turn, can develop into a life-long case of Impostor Syndrome.
This type of devaluing can be attributed to deep-seated societal expectations and biases that have been ingrained over time. In some cases, these challenges are exacerbated by internalized misogyny, where women may unconsciously question or belittle the abilities and achievements of other women due to societal conditioning.
Moreover, in environments where opportunities for growth are limited and competition is fierce, some women may perceive others as threats rather than allies. This mindset can drive them to scrutinize fellow women more intensely in an attempt to safeguard their own positions.
Such situations reflect deeply rooted societal norms that question the competence of women, making them feel the need to continuously validate themselves in professional scenarios.
This deep (and at times unconscious) need to seek validation from others – no matter how competent one is – is something that many of you might relate with, given this is a key phenomenon associated with FSA, as verified in my original Family Systems research (including FSA and the experience of ‘Impostor Syndrome’, as mentioned in my book, ‘Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed’).
These dynamics underscore the pervasive impact of gender stereotypes and stress the importance of fostering inclusive environments that promote gender equality and mutual support among all individuals.
We would be wise not to overlook the fact that the process of scapegoating itself – whether individual or systemic – is an act of marginalizing, demeaning, devaluing, and objectifying another person, group, or class. Healing from such individual, systemic and societal pressures and abuses involves the willingness to honestly self-reflect so as to recognize these patterns within ourselves first.
It’s therefore crucial for us all – no matter our gender identification – to challenge our biases consciously while fostering an environment of mutual respect and support. How we speak to each other matters. Especially here, where so many of us are recovering from the ‘invisible’ (psycho-emotional) wounds of FSA.
When navigating the complex social pressures described above, self-care plays a vital role in fostering resilience and empowerment. Allocating time for self-reflection allows one to identify and challenge internalized beliefs, assumptions, judgments, or behaviors that perpetuate harmful norms.
By prioritizing self-care practices such as mindfulness, setting boundaries, and seeking therapy or counseling when needed (or honest feedback from a group or forum you might participate in), individuals can gradually break free from cycles of self-doubt or comparison fueled by external expectations or internalized assumptions or beliefs.
Overcoming Traumatizing, Dysfunctional Systems: My Own Journey
I’ve shared very little about myself personally during the years I’ve been publishing articles via this blog and creating YouTube content and there are many reasons for this, which I will save for a future article. Be that as it may, at this time I would like to share the following professional and personal information for those of you who are interested in getting to know me a bit better beyond my roles of therapist, coach, author, and FSA educator. If knowing more about me is something you might find activating or ‘triggering’, you will want to stop reading here.
Regarding my professional background and credentials: I am always happy to share my credentials and professional qualifications with others. And as a member of YouTube’s Health Partner Team, where we are committed to providing free public education on complex health topics as licensed clinicians, my YouTube subscribers can be confident that my credentials and licensure have already been carefully vetted.
With that said, anyone who would like to review my academic background and professional credentials may do so easily via my LinkedIn page here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/fsaeducation/.
Regarding my personal background and experiences: Being an adult survivor of family scapegoating abuse (FSA) myself, I am able to both ‘own’ and be proud of what I’ve accomplished in both my personal and professional life, given the highly traumatized, dysfunctional family system I was born into and that negatively impacted me since birth (and possibly In Utero due to domestic violence).
For those of you who are curious, this is a closer snap-shot of my early background: I was born into a highly traumatized, dysfunctional alcoholic family system. Due to severe digestive issues which could not be diagnosed at the time, I was unable to digest anything other than goat’s milk and white rice and was not expected to live past infancy because of this. I spent much of my first year of life in and out of a Children’s hospital 30 miles from our home.
My father – who had an extremely traumatic personal and intergenerational history – was severely disabled and my primary caretaker the first few years of my life – abandoned our family when I was four. We didn’t know if he was alive or dead until I found him 35 years later, indigent and paralyzed from multiple alcoholic seizures, wasting away in a nursing home. I oversaw his care until he died.
He was at this point mentally ill and ridden with extreme anxiety that prevented him from conversing with me for more than a few minutes at a time. Even so, he was extremely surprised and grateful that I had bothered to find him. The closest we got to a ‘repair experience’ is when he said, “Why would you want to find me? I’m an asshole!”
After my father disappeared, I was raised by my mother, who did not remarry and worked long stressful hours as a Registered Nurse, making me a ‘latch-key’ kid. As I mention in my book, she had been severely scapegoated as a child by a grandparent and was ‘the lost child’ in her family-of-origin and experienced an uncommon number of extremely traumatic events as a child and as an adult that negatively impacted her sense of identity, self-worth, and self-esteem.
Needless to say, as an Empath who was finely attuned to the emotional needs of others, I took in much from both my mother and my father that in truth never belonged to me. What saved me was that for as long as I can remember I had a very strong, clear, unshakable experience of my innately whole, ‘true self’, which somehow mysteriously transcended the flotsam of my painful and crippling egoic experiences.
As the children of divorced parents with no child support coming in, we didn’t have much in the way of material comforts growing up. When I was young, my Christmas presents were donated by the church or purchased from the local thrift store. Most of my clothes were ‘hand-me-downs’.
I began working when I was 13 years old, teaching piano and babysitting. As a young adult, I worked several jobs at once to put myself through school. My academic successes allowed me to qualify for some scholarships or I likely would not have been able to attend school at all.
I put myself through Grad School in my forties, and still had to work to support myself while completing an intensive 3-year MACP (Master in Counseling Psychology) program at the world-renowned Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, where I later served as Core Faculty.
This period of my life was exhausting, to be quite frank, but I was confident it would be worth it as I had always wanted to become a licensed Marriage Family Therapist (LMFT) serving adult survivors from traumatized, dysfunctional families.
I unknowingly suffered for decades from Complex Trauma and Betrayal Trauma symptoms; traumatic shame; traumatic invalidation; severe anxiety and depression, as well as experiencing occasional suicidal ideation. I’ve also experienced Impostor Syndrome secondary to FSA.
During those many long years I was struggling to understand why I felt the way I did, there was no language or terms available to describe my particular family experiences beyond the old Family Systems term ‘Identified Patient’ until I began to conduct my own original Family Systems research and identified the phenomenon I eventually named family scapegoating abuse (FSA).
In August of 2020, I published my introductory book on FSA, Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed, with the intent of helping other FSA adult survivors who might be suffering without knowing what intrapsychic wounds they were suffering from.
I chose to self-publish this, my first book, after turning down offers from multiple, highly regarded traditional publishers because I had a vision for my book and wanted to do it on my terms, not theirs.
Most recently, I have been working ‘behind the scenes’ with some incredibly talented, humanitarian and systems-focused individuals who have been kind enough to contact me with some exciting ideas and projects – people who have global impact and reach. Our discussions center around how we can work together to educate both individuals and families on FSA and other forms of psycho-emotional abuse that currently ravage individuals and systems, including dysfunctional and narcissistic families.
It has been a long, difficult road to get to a position where I might help adult survivors and families on a level I never dared to imagine or dream about when younger, but here I am, just the same. And I can honestly report that it was worth everything I chose to endure along the way.
What are your experiences of marginalization? How did you handle it? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
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Rebecca C. Mandeville, MA
Rebecca C. Mandeville coined the research-supported terms ‘family scapegoating abuse’ (FSA) and ‘family scapegoat trauma’ (FST) and is a recognized thought leader in understanding the consequences of being in the family ‘identified patient’ or ‘scapegoat’ role. She also created the FSA Recovery Coaching℠ process. Her best-selling book, ‘Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed’, is the first book ever written on FSA. Rebecca serves as a YouTube Health Partner via her channel ‘Beyond Family Scapegoating Abuse’ and is also active on Instagram and Facebook.
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