It would be nice to believe that when scapegoated children become adults they are somehow magically released from the ‘family scapegoat’ role. However, this is not at all the case.
In fact, as my research on scapegoating in families revealed, many individuals who are scapegoated within their family-of-origin suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) due to covertly or overtly abusive family dynamics that have resulted in them feeling psycho-emotionally paralyzed and worthless – even suicidal.
This is why it is critical that adult survivors of FSA begin to understand what happened to them in their families and become clear on what they are needing to heal and recover from.
What Is Family Scapegoating Abuse?
Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA) is a term I coined during the course of my original Family Systems research to describe a type of ‘invisible’ (psycho-emotional) systemic abuse associated with being in the ‘family scapegoat’ role in one’s family-of-origin – abuse that often results in the development of complex trauma symptoms.
FSA occurs when your primary caregivers or other important ‘power holders’ in the family (grandparents, dominant siblings or extended family members) single you out as being defective and repeatedly give you the message that you are bad, different, or not good enough.
What is actually happening is that you are being subjected to pathological projective identification processes which are often fueled by generations of trauma and/or the individual pathology of a personality disordered parent (etc.), including Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). You can read my article on scapegoating and the pathological Projective Identification Process here.
Below is a brief (and informal) trauma-informed self-test. How many of these ten FSA signs, symptoms, and experiences do you relate to?
FAMILY SCAPEGOATING ABUSE (FSA) QUIZ
- Did you grow up hearing a ‘story’ about yourself (what I call the ‘scapegoat narrative’), including via ‘smear campaigns’ or subtle forms of ‘reality distortion’ (aka ‘gaslighting’), in which you were made out to be somehow bad, different, worthless, ‘less than’, or defective?
- Were you the ‘problem child’ or ‘identified patient’ in your family-of-origin (you may even still be struggling to escape these stifling roles today)?
- Do you suffer from complex trauma symptoms?
- Have family members insinuated that you were (or are) mentally ill, emotionally unstable, or that you are ‘bad’, ‘wrong’, or a ‘liar’ for speaking your mind and/or contradicting accepted family narratives?
- Do you find it difficult to develop healthy, mutually respectful relationships with one or more siblings?
- Do you struggle with addiction or codependency (codependency may in actuality be the trauma response of ‘fawn/submit’ and conditioned enmeshment)?
- Do you have difficulty identifying your own wants, needs, thoughts, and feelings?
- Have you struggled as an adult with forming mutually respectful, trusting relationships in your personal and professional life due to low self-esteem and/or somehow ending up in relationships with people who do not treat you well?
- Do you feel chronically anxious, depressed, and/or wrestle with severe self doubt, including ‘impostor syndrome’?
- Have you chosen to reduce or limit contact with one or more family members because of their effect on your mental, emotional, physical, and/or spiritual health?
If you answered yes to three or more of the questions above, OR if you answered yes to questions 1, 2, and 4, it is possible that you are the scapegoat (aka ‘identified patient’) in your family-of-origin.
Abuse of Power is Abuse!
One of the most important things that I share with scapegoated individuals who reach out to me for help is that their unique life narrative has been co-opted, twisted, and distorted via unbalanced power dynamics associated with FSA within their dysfunctional or narcissistic family system.
I explain to my clients that their personal narrative – their unique life story which each of us as human beings has a right to author for ourselves – has been taken from them and they have been given another negative, ‘shaming and blaming’ story in its place – a story that benefits the family power holder(s).
Being subjected to family scapegoating abuse is a dehumanizing process of ‘othering’. This is why it qualifies as a form of psycho-emotional abuse. Healing and recovering from FSA is not easy – but it is possible to feel better as you begin to understand how you were impacted and take the necessary steps to protect yourself from further abuse while learning to take care of your body and your nervous system, as discussed in my introductory book on FSA, Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed: Help and Hope for Adults in the Family Scapegoat Role.
If you feel you may have been impacted by scapegoating dynamics in your family, you can also check out this list of resources I put together for FSA adult survivors.
Rebecca C. Mandeville, MA
Rebecca C. Mandeville coined the research-supported terms ‘family scapegoating abuse’ (FSA) and ‘family scapegoat trauma’ (FST) and is a recognized thought leader in understanding the consequences of being in the family ‘identified patient’ or ‘scapegoat’ role. She also created the FSA Recovery Coaching℠ process. Her best-selling book, ‘Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed’, is the first book ever written on FSA. Rebecca serves as a YouTube Health Partner via her channel ‘Beyond Family Scapegoating Abuse’ and is also active on Instagram and Facebook.
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