This article is now accessible on my FSA Education Substack Site: Read my article on FSA and Structural Dissociation
Family Scapegoating Abuse and Structural Dissociation: Healing the Fragmented Self
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6 responses to “Family Scapegoating Abuse and Structural Dissociation: Healing the Fragmented Self”
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Rebecca, your written and video sessions are so very helpful. I am almost 70 years old, and I went No Contact with my sisters two years ago following their bizarre and abusive behavior towards me when our mother died. Last year I was diagnosed and treated for cancer, but did not tell them, because I knew they would have gloated and gossiped about me. It’s a terrible thing to feel so deliberately misunderstood and mistreated I once loved and trusted. Your articles and videos have helped me more than two decades of therapy spent trying to figure out what was “wrong with me”. I was literally abused from birth! I was unwanted because my arrival made my parents feel guilty that my older sister no longer got their full attention. My mother had my birth induced a month early, to “save her figure”, of which she and my father were very proud. Then, as a fussy, premature infant, I didn’t sleep through the night (like many babies), so they held ice cubes on my feet during the day whenever I fell asleep as a newborn, in a twisted attempt to force me to sleep at night! I only learned that last part when my mother was in her mid-90s; she laughed when she told me about it. I just grew up knowing that I had been a “problem” since birth. You can imagine the additional abuse and torment I experienced throughout childhood and even as an adult. Your videos and articles explain so much. It is probably too late for me, but please know that you are helping many younger people by providing vital information that was not widely available even a decade ago. Many thanks!
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You provide some good (yet painful and tragic) examples of how very early the scapegoating of a child can start. It is never too late to experience more wholeness and peace, and it sounds like you’ve already come a long way in your recovery process. So glad to hear you are finding my work on FSA so helpful. And hopefully you’ve already read my book (Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed)!
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You explained me and symptoms so well, I am really blown away. I am wondering if cognitive dissonance is at play where the two streams of consciousness are colliding and erupting in distressing emotions.
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Definitely, this can be a factor that contributes to psycho-emotional distress, although the two (or more) streams are typically separate and distinct, as mentioned. However, as one begins to get more awareness of these multiple streams during the course of their healing process, this can be the stage in recovery when they can feel they are going backward versus forward due to the ‘collision’ of thoughts they are now aware of and experiencing – until the ‘parts’ become more integrated.
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Very helpful info. It’s good you are sharing this to reach more people and reach the therapists too. Some people (incl therapists) struggle with the “honor thy parents” belief system. It’s completely ok not to “honor” an abusive mother. Unfortunately, my closest sibling (sister) is now starting to verbally & emotionally abuse me. I have prepared some statements to leave a conversation if it’s abusive, as I am choosing not to go “no contact” — I want contact with my adult nieces and nephews and their kids, and she is part of that. This is my choice, though, and that’s the empowering part. I can always make another choice.
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Thank you so much Rebecca! I am learning so much from your videos. They’re extremely validating and informative. I definitely have structural dissociation from the extreme abuse within my FOO. And worse I was their scapegoat. I do body check ins often through out the day. I have so much anxiety and I still carry around alot of shame. I related to the symptoms of structural dissociation but the one that jumped out for me was the loss of time. I have many embarrassing moments that again added to my shame. I’m learning to forgive myself bc none of this was my fault. It all started in utero. Thanks again! You’re amazing!
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