Disrupting the Bystander: When #metoo Happens Among Friends

Public displays of abusive dynamics aren’t limited to the “lover’s quarrel” that we so often witness (silently). Abuse can arise in any interpersonal relationship. Coercing a friend to loan money or isolate from others is abuse. Mocking a coworker with racial slurs or homophobic insults is abuse. A community leader using their position and influence to maintain control over their friends or partners is abuse. Societal reluctance to identify these behaviors as abuse can lead to the “bystander effect” or “bystander apathy,” where witnesses hesitate or outright refrain from intervening in moments of crisis. By normalizing this reluctance, we are failing survivors. Confronting abuse in our interpersonal spaces requires identifying abuse as it happens and strategies for proactive, compassionate intervention. Disrupting the Bystander provides the toolkit for the lapsed bystander to learn how to identify and intervene in situations of interpersonal abuse.