0 thoughts on “Child Abuse

  1. RC MandevilleRC Mandeville Post author

    Hi Julian: Thank you for your comment / question. My experience has been that we can definitely heal and recover – but we will always have scars. Which only increase our ability to feel compassion toward self and others.

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  2. AvatarJulian

    Thank you very much. What do you men by scars? (I just would like to know this so I know what I will have to live with).

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    1. RC MandevilleRC Mandeville Post author

      Hi Julian, I’m working on a book right now that will be discussing all of this – including the kinds of (invisible) psycho-emotional scars that can result from scapegoating. I also just now released a free handbook that briefly reviews scapegoat dynamics and how to heal and recover from being in this role. So just go back to my home page and you will see how to get the handbook and the book I am currently writing there! – Best, R.C.

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  3. AvatarJill White

    I am crying reading this, im 56, I am the family scapegoat. first in my childhood and it carried into my own family to this day, I can hardly do, say, think or feel anything right, im a mess according to most family members if not all, I really dont know anymore. I went to mothers day brunch with my son and his wife they invited me, we had a student staying with us that was interning at my husbands company and when my husband and I got up to go to the buffett my son and daughter in law told this student (who would only be in my life for 6 weeks) he should not get too close to me, that I was crazy, mean and a narcissist. He was shocked and bewildered why they did this and it happens with any and every person im around, they go to extremes to do this to me, but they smile to my face. Its insanity I know moms who were drug addicts and did terrible things who have family that forgace and love them….ive done nothing like that, im not perfect Ive made miatakes and ive paid dearly for them and everyone elses too, I dont know why this is happening to me. Or why my daughter wont defend me in the family she is the only one that feels bad for me….now theres a name for this, ive tried so hard to be what my family wants me to be and ive failed miserably at all of it. I dont want to live anymore, my 10 ur grandson calls me crazy grandma, wierdo, and when I retreat to my room hurt and emotional they all say see all he did was joke with her….. It never stops, I cant get off the crazy train. Thank you for this validation, im overwhelmed with emotion right now, it may have saved my life literally.

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    1. RC MandevilleRC Mandeville Post author

      Hi Jill, so glad you reached out. You seem to be in a lot of emotional pain (understandably) – It may be that you would benefit from receiving dedicated support from someone who understands dysfunctional family roles and dynamics – likely a licensed family therapist would be best. Do you have resources or ways to access therapists in your area? If not, you might try an online service like Betterhelp or TalkSpace. Also, I just now added ways to access my free handbook and also to be alerted of my book release on Amazon. If you go back to my home page you will see how you can get the handbook now and be notified of my book release and pre-order information.
      Best, R.C.

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  4. AvatarLesley S (@4maxine)

    Thanks f’or posting this RC. It took me so long to read through the article completely as my mind kept trying to distract me. I was surprised when I read paragraph about being ‘untreatable’. This has happened to me recently. The therapists I’ve wound up with just don’t get it. I don’t normally comment on facebook and twitter as my family and friends will see it and they’re all part of the problem. I’m glad to belong to your closed group on facebook where I can share what’s on my mind (when I’m ready).

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    1. RC MandevilleRC Mandeville Post author

      Hi Lesley,

      I am so glad you found your way to my site (and other resources I offer). I hope to educate clinicians as well as suffers of scapegoating and narcissistic abuse symptoms via these resources, as well as the book I am currently working on. I look forward to getting to know you better in our group! If you know of other ‘silent sufferers’ who are ready for deep recovery and healing, please feel free to share my resource link here with others. I’ll be adding dedicated Narcissistic Recovery resource links soon as well. Link to resources here: https://linktr.ee/scapegoatguide Best, RCScapegoat & Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Resources

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  5. AvatarLeona

    I’ve been in and out of therapy since I was about 7… I’m now 28. I’ve been suicidally depressed since I was 4. I have always been the family dumping ground. I don’t understand how I’ve never heard of this before… I have 14 of the signs.

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  6. AvatarVaughn Myers

    tesla’s mustache, i hit 15 of these marks, i’m a teen and i was just accused of faking OSDD-1b but my parents and i’ve been really struggling with why i might have it. i’m realizing that a lot of the things my parents do to me aren’t normal.

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  7. AvatarKaren Sutton

    Although having gained sobriety that lasted 17 years, when my mom went into dementia, my father and sister really battered me, and my father actually did cut me out of his Will. I broke down and drank, after all those years of having beaten that addiction. I now cannot stop. I guess I don’t want to stop, because nothing else dulls the pain of these final insults. Now, Dad is dead. My siblings do not speak to each other, and certainly not to me. I am now 61, childless and divorced, and due to the pain, kept digging for information until I found the words “family scapegoat” and all my questions have been answered. However, at my age, there is no hope for me to begin to lead a “productive, fulfilling life”. There won’t be a relationship for me. (I did, however, become a successful oil painter, and creating has been one of the most fulfilling joys in my life.) My “toxic shame” can never be alleviated or removed. Therapy has not worked…. I believe in God, in the goodness of God. And so I cannot understand how a loving God would have allowed my father and sister to have wrecked my life in such an irretrievable way. I isolate, (now) drink alone, and am slowly killing myself. I attributed my past sobriety to God removing the compulsion. I refuse to blame my relapse on myself. I don’t blame God, but I am disillusioned, and full of guilt and shame over that.

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    1. R.C. Mandeville, MAR.C. Mandeville, MA Post author

      Your feelings are very understandable, Karen. Coping with injustices that can never be made ‘right’ is one of the biggest stumbling blocks in recovering from family scapegoating abuse (FSA). Not sure if you have the link to my Psych Central blog – I wrote an article recently about the ‘Just World’ fallacy. I am wondering if you have already joined AA (?) Drinking can indeed be a form of passive suicide, as you seem to already understand. FSA is not an easy thing to recover from, but it is possible, provided that trauma symptoms are properly assessed and treated – and the therapist (or ‘coach’) is genuinely ‘trauma informed’ and meeting standards set forth by SAMHSA – something that often does not happen, sadly. Link to my blog, here: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/scapegoat-recovery/

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  8. AvatarCalista

    I just read your insightful book. It’s so reassuring to read that others recognize and understand the dynamics and deep pain of being scapegoated. Thank you for your work! I have an appointment with my therapist next week, but she’s not as well versed in these issues as I would hope. At least she’s someone to vent to during a particularly difficult time following the death of my mother and the associated cruelty of my sisters.

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    1. Rebecca Mandeville, MFTRebecca Mandeville, MFT Post author

      Hi Calista,

      Thank you for taking the time to comment, and I’m glad you are finding my book helpful. You might invite your therapist to read my book – It might help them better understand your experiences and other clinicians have written me to tell me it was very informative and aided them in understanding and helping their scapegoated clients. I wish you the very best in your healing journey.

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  9. AvatarCathie Ochoa

    I appreciate your posts and your obvious knowledge of scapegoating. You have helped me get a better grasp on this insidious practice, which I now understand was my role in the family. Thank you. This is an interesting story you refer to about Tessie. I am very disappointed that you have chosen to blame the Trump administration, referring to it as the villagers who have no feelings towards the dying Tessie. If anything, the virus lays squarely at the feet of the Pelosi Democrats, who conjured the COVID19 virus to destroy the booming Trump economy. You speak as one who does not have all the information, only the details the media deems prudent to parcel out. Most people who have found you are seekers, and long for and desire the whole truth. It appears that you are scapegoating the Trump administration, which doesn’t help prove your point. But maybe it does.

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    1. Rebecca Mandeville, MFTRebecca Mandeville, MFT Post author

      Thank you for adding to the conversation, Cathie. I’m glad to hear you’ve found my work helpful. Given my partner is a highly regarded anti-viral scientist with decades of experience making life-saving vaccines, I had the advantage of understanding the deadly nature of the genome of this particular coronavirus early on and do not believe it is something that Pelosi or anyone else could conjure up (although I believe both parties politicized it, to the detriment of all); I therefore have to disagree with you on this one. I always invite and encourage respectful debate. Your point is an intriguing one – Who is scapegoating who? Each side has their own belief system and perspective, so the waters can get muddy, indeed.

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